Suicidal Attempts

After years as suicidal survivor, I reclined on the couch of my own analyst feeling burdened by my life style. Am I a HIV+, How could I make them understand, am too young to prove them I was in sexual affairs. I had started to date girls in my early ages, I was doing this even thou I was not aware on what does it meant to me. I had many girls on that time until when I met Natasha, she managed not only being a girlfriend but she was a best friend too. There were misunderstanding between me and Natasha that led us to break.

I used to hear about ‘’Depression back’’ back then. Never thought this until 2011 when I break up with my girlfriend, two months later my father passed away. After another two months I lost all property belong to me, my life turned over.

I said myself why me? It’s better to die; I have decided to commit suicide for the first time. Before I did it, my memories go to those people whom I love and cared about. It’s better to die but how about them?

How much do I going to hurt them? These are amongst the question that I had asked myself before I took a bunch of table/ mechanism into my mouth. When am on bed waiting for last moment of my life, my phone call, she was lovely sister. ‘’Do I have to respond or leave it’’

I received her call; she asked why don’t you respond mom’s calls? She asked I had started to cry. Her voice changed me I told you that ‘’ am in problem, & have decided to commit suicide ‘’ I explained the scenario. They call my aunt who was living close to the place &was living

One of the big challenges when you want to overcome depression is feeling guilt. After first suicide attempt I had never forgive on what had been happened. Secondly, attempted to commit suicide I took in pesticide poison, 20 Panadol and spirit (alcohol). My intention was to kill myself last. That was one of the painful moment that I had in my life. I made a noise spread all over house which made my family to turn into my room. They found a message on the table ‘’Tell this to Mr. Tim McCarthy in US, if it happen it happens, life had no excuse. Sorry for that: Anonymous 22:19. 21-5-2012‘’ they took me to the nearest hospital for the emergence. I was lucky that I got good medical treatments. My family did not ask me why I am doing all these stuffs. In order to live free from depression was only one option. I had started to use alcohol, drugs and going at night clubs. These experiences changed my life in to a misery. Since then I had continued to use alcohol until February 2015 when my health start to become poor, after second diagnosis. Doctor told me I had kidney impermanent, health problem so they gave me peripheral to the Muhimbili Hospital where I had started kidney treatment including dialysis.

Trauma

"I used to grow up in one of semi slum area of Chamwino- Morogoro, were we kids had no idea on Sexual Reproductive Health, and it is taboo for the parents to speak about reproduction health. STIs incentives preventions was not accessible, I heard that “condoms” is only for adult who committing adults with several sexual partners. Parents believes that we are not engaging in to sex until we get to 20 and above, or after marriages. They were wrong, I and many kids in our village start very early. In 9 years old I was already slept with some sexual partners as the rest of others kids did in our village. We were missing our right to health, right to learn and choose Reproductive health.

I sensed something was wrong with me. I vividly remember that day when the report came out and I could see one from behind the counter that read HIV positive in red block letters. One only needs to muster courage to look and face all challenges like I have."

That was 12 years ago. I was ill, doctor diagnosis for the first time they find am HIV+. It was scare because I was only 19, .I felt like walking on the fire. I felt it in my inner heart. ‘My dream faded away; it was better to died early.’’ That was my thought. Recently I have started to take medicine and for as long as I live I want to aware people on HIV and AIDs and help those who suffer live their life. Sometimes back, I have had saw my father who diagnosed HIV positive very late, he already weak with less than 10 CD4, died early. I don’t want that fate for anyone suffering from this disease. I want them to know that there is help for people like us.

Sexual and Reproductive Health (SRH)

In early 2023 I had represented the organization that am working with to the workshop that organized by EANNASO, on their project called the Solutions for Supporting Healthy Adolescents and Rights Protection (SHARP)haiweb.org . This project sets out to improve the health and wellbeing of adolescents in the Great Lakes Region(Burundi, DRC, Kenya, Rwanda, Tanzania and Zambia), and address religious and cultural barriers young people face in accessing quality sexual and reproductive health (SRH) and family planning services. SHARP programme brings together a unique group of organizations that include adolescent, commodity, gender, SRH and faith experts with track record in research and advocacy for policy change that has a positive impact..

Through the project, I have learnt that SRH and family planning services are human rights and adolescents’ human rights. Hence, the reality is mostly of adolescents starting sexual intercourse in very early ages without any knowledge on sexual reproductive health and family planning services which led in HIV infections. There are number of infant body with HIV and among them starting having sex with their partners on young ages without being aware on HIV/AIDS and other STIs transmissions.

When am looking back there, I wish I could more aware on comprehensive sexual education. Maybe I could not be affected by the HIV, maybe I could not attempt suicidal two times and maybe I could have healthy kidney today. How many adolescents who are affected by HIV, getting early pregnant only because they didn’t access SRH and family planning education at family level, schools, religious places and health facilities? How many falling in to alcohol excessive, drugs abuses and some commit suicide because of the result fails to give them SRH education to adolescents? The government authorities and communities has two options, to still pretending that adolescents are not involving on sexual intercourse in their young ages or change directions to start to introduce strong SRH centers in schools and youth health facilities in order to help a hundreds of adolescents who are failing into trauma due to the events that happened in their young aged but consequences still affecting them.

For the moment, is living happy life with care?

The death is the reason for my survival, I spending most of my time to meet with people who are suffering from depression. All challenges in our life, gives us courage to move on, any death attempts make you a stronger person to witness the value of the living. Today am here to share with everyone a story that bring me here. Maybe am different, Yes, am different because I am me who I am. Am sharing with them about life and depression that is the reason for them to live happy life.

Anonymous

Suicidal Attempts

After years as suicidal survivor, I reclined on the couch of my own analyst feeling burdened by my life style. Am I a HIV+, How could I make them understand, am too young to prove them I was in sexual affairs. I had started to date girls in my early ages, I was doing this even thou I was not aware on what does it meant to me. I had many girls on that time until when I met Natasha, she managed not only being a girlfriend but she was a best friend too. There were misunderstanding between me and Natasha that led us to break.

I used to hear about ‘’Depression back’’ back then. Never thought this until 2011 when I break up with my girlfriend, two months later my father passed away. After another two months I lost all property belong to me, my life turned over.

I said myself why me? It’s better to die; I have decided to commit suicide for the first time. Before I did it, my memories go to those people whom I love and cared about. It’s better to die but how about them?

How much do I going to hurt them? These are amongst the question that I had asked myself before I took a bunch of table/ mechanism into my mouth. When am on bed waiting for last moment of my life, my phone call, she was lovely sister. ‘’Do I have to respond or leave it’’

I received her call; she asked why don’t you respond mom’s calls? She asked I had started to cry. Her voice changed me I told you that ‘’ am in problem, & have decided to commit suicide ‘’ I explained the scenario. They call my aunt who was living close to the place &was living

One of the big challenges when you want to overcome depression is feeling guilt. After first suicide attempt I had never forgive on what had been happened. Secondly, attempted to commit suicide I took in pesticide poison, 20 Panadol and spirit (alcohol). My intention was to kill myself last. That was one of the painful moment that I had in my life. I made a noise spread all over house which made my family to turn into my room. They found a message on the table ‘’Tell this to Mr. Tim McCarthy in US, if it happen it happens, life had no excuse. Sorry for that: Anonymous 22:19. 21-5-2012‘’ they took me to the nearest hospital for the emergence. I was lucky that I got good medical treatments. My family did not ask me why I am doing all these stuffs. In order to live free from depression was only one option. I had started to use alcohol, drugs and going at night clubs. These experiences changed my life in to a misery. Since then I had continued to use alcohol until February 2015 when my health start to become poor, after second diagnosis. Doctor told me I had kidney impermanent, health problem so they gave me peripheral to the Muhimbili Hospital where I had started kidney treatment including dialysis.

Trauma

"I used to grow up in one of semi slum area of Chamwino- Morogoro, were we kids had no idea on Sexual Reproductive Health, and it is taboo for the parents to speak about reproduction health. STIs incentives preventions was not accessible, I heard that “condoms” is only for adult who committing adults with several sexual partners. Parents believes that we are not engaging in to sex until we get to 20 and above, or after marriages. They were wrong, I and many kids in our village start very early. In 9 years old I was already slept with some sexual partners as the rest of others kids did in our village. We were missing our right to health, right to learn and choose Reproductive health.

I sensed something was wrong with me. I vividly remember that day when the report came out and I could see one from behind the counter that read HIV positive in red block letters. One only needs to muster courage to look and face all challenges like I have."

That was 12 years ago. I was ill, doctor diagnosis for the first time they find am HIV+. It was scare because I was only 19, .I felt like walking on the fire. I felt it in my inner heart. ‘My dream faded away; it was better to died early.’’ That was my thought. Recently I have started to take medicine and for as long as I live I want to aware people on HIV and AIDs and help those who suffer live their life. Sometimes back, I have had saw my father who diagnosed HIV positive very late, he already weak with less than 10 CD4, died early. I don’t want that fate for anyone suffering from this disease. I want them to know that there is help for people like us.

Sexual and Reproductive Health (SRH)

In early 2023 I had represented the organization that am working with to the workshop that organized by EANNASO, on their project called the Solutions for Supporting Healthy Adolescents and Rights Protection (SHARP)haiweb.org . This project sets out to improve the health and wellbeing of adolescents in the Great Lakes Region(Burundi, DRC, Kenya, Rwanda, Tanzania and Zambia), and address religious and cultural barriers young people face in accessing quality sexual and reproductive health (SRH) and family planning services. SHARP programme brings together a unique group of organizations that include adolescent, commodity, gender, SRH and faith experts with track record in research and advocacy for policy change that has a positive impact..

Through the project, I have learnt that SRH and family planning services are human rights and adolescents’ human rights. Hence, the reality is mostly of adolescents starting sexual intercourse in very early ages without any knowledge on sexual reproductive health and family planning services which led in HIV infections. There are number of infant body with HIV and among them starting having sex with their partners on young ages without being aware on HIV/AIDS and other STIs transmissions.

When am looking back there, I wish I could more aware on comprehensive sexual education. Maybe I could not be affected by the HIV, maybe I could not attempt suicidal two times and maybe I could have healthy kidney today. How many adolescents who are affected by HIV, getting early pregnant only because they didn’t access SRH and family planning education at family level, schools, religious places and health facilities? How many falling in to alcohol excessive, drugs abuses and some commit suicide because of the result fails to give them SRH education to adolescents? The government authorities and communities has two options, to still pretending that adolescents are not involving on sexual intercourse in their young ages or change directions to start to introduce strong SRH centers in schools and youth health facilities in order to help a hundreds of adolescents who are failing into trauma due to the events that happened in their young aged but consequences still affecting them.

For the moment, is living happy life with care?

The death is the reason for my survival, I spending most of my time to meet with people who are suffering from depression. All challenges in our life, gives us courage to move on, any death attempts make you a stronger person to witness the value of the living. Today am here to share with everyone a story that bring me here. Maybe am different, Yes, am different because I am me who I am. Am sharing with them about life and depression that is the reason for them to live happy life.

Anonymous